Cops, corruption, and caramel coolers

In Grosse Pointe, there is a little outdoor mall called, “the Village.” One day I counted no less than five places in which one could buy coffee. Tucked away in the middle of the neighborhood, and without advertisements in the paper of its existance, one could live in Detroit forever and not know about it. The bus route I take home from my second job swings through the village on its meandering route back to the heart of the city. I hopped off the bus to grab a cup of Joe at Caribou coffee, and noticed something peculiar standing immediately to my left. Six foot tall, in all black, and a bald head, was a body guard.

Let me back up and explain something about Grosse Pointe. Grosse Pointe is an incredibly safe neighborhood. I got a bike that was stolen back within one hour! So to have a personal body guard in this city is like carrying a bible in heaven – it doesn’t hurt at all, but it hardly seems necessary.

I thought to myself, “who in the hell would need a body guard…here?” I surveyed the room. I saw a backstreet-boy-lookin’ kid with his average looking date, and a few old men…

“…I don’t think its for them…”

I looked some more, and noticed a 30-something black lady coming up the aisle from the back of the store towards the register. I fell into line behind her and caught briefly, the eye of the super-soldier. So now I know who he is “protecting,” but who is she? I asked Juan, one of my buddies that works at this location, and he said, “that’s the Mayor’s wife.”

She was nothing special to look at although she did have a pretty face, and was very polite. Mrs. Kilpatrick seemed to take no notice of the brick-sh*thouse that trailed her like the scent of a perfume, as she left with her caramel coffee cooler. I decided that right about then would be a good time to take a smoke break outside; really, I just wanted to see the Expedition. I followed several paces behind “the first lady” (as the hired hand referred to her) and watched her get into a chauferred, police outfitted, Cadillac. The body guard got into a large Expedition to joining the remainder of the security detail (I don’t know if its the Expedition though).

As I finished my cigarette, I thought about how many dollars an hour the city is spending to provide Mrs. Kwame with the worlds safest coffee cooler, meanwhile, 600 men and women in blue are trying to figure out how they will make rent when they are laid-off. Mgal makes the similar point, but from another angle: Detroit is suffering while its mayor is politicing and living the highlife.

Mrs. Kilpatrick, why don’t you ask your husband to clean up the streets downtown, so that you can get your caramel cooler closer to your mansio…err…home? Why don’t you ask him to stop fleecing the people through hundreds of thousands in questionable spending – money that could be paying for cop’s jobs? Thanks to your husband’s reckless and embarrasing term as mayor, a lot of cops will have to learn how to make your favorite drink for you – just to make rent.

6 Comments so far

  1. Bobby (aka UrbanTiki) (unregistered) on August 11th, 2005 @ 9:12 am

    GREAT post, Doug (and I meant to comment on your ‘pay it forward’ post, too — brilliant, and quite liberal, I might add ;-) )

    I loved Hansen Clarke’s MO in his run to the primary. He played this stuff like a master fiddler, especially the “for sale” sign outside the Manoogian Mansion.

    It’s hard to believe that this city would re-elect a king, rather than a humble servant. It’s shameless how they trot around like royalty; exactly who do they need protection from, anyway? The further you REALLY get away from what your constituents are really like – be it your policies, your lifestyle or your attitude – the less likely a (re)election is to occur. I’d LOVE to apply that to Bush, but he somehow pulled the rabbit out of the hat — and there’s no doubt that Kerry’s blue-blood background had a bit to do with that outcome (which, of course, is why Bush has his ‘ranch’ so far from where he was raised in Connecticut)…

  2. Daniel (unregistered) on August 11th, 2005 @ 10:16 am

    It’s ‘liberal’ to do your part and to do unto others?? Oh, I had it backwards! I thought it was liberal to expect the government to clean up the city and do people nice favors. Whoops!

  3. Bobby (aka UrbanTiki) (unregistered) on August 11th, 2005 @ 10:31 am

    Not any more, Daniel. Not under this batch of the ‘new Republicanism’. But, no, it’s not liberal by definition, either. It was more of an inside joke between Doug and I.

    And you have ‘liberalism’ wrong, too.

  4. tom (unregistered) on August 11th, 2005 @ 2:10 pm

    Did she at least get a low fat?

  5. Bill Johnson (unregistered) on August 12th, 2005 @ 12:11 am

    Excellent post Doug! Congrats on the fine work and the new “gig” on this webite. I am Billogenies and I approve of this post! :)

  6. Doug (unregistered) on August 12th, 2005 @ 10:17 am


    On my way into work at Wayne this morning, I saw the Kilpatrickae (latin plural ;) again, this time dropping off the kids for a day camp at Wayne State’s fitness center. This time there WAS a driver, but NO SECURITY! So let me get this straight…when you go to Grosse-Freakin-Pointe you bring “Brick” and his partner “Wall,” but when you go DOWNTOWN, you bring an unarmed female driver!?

    Oh well…Kwame Clan, enjoy it while it lasts…

Terms of use | Privacy Policy | Content: Creative Commons | Site and Design © 2009 | Metroblogging ® and Metblogs ® are registered trademarks of Bode Media, Inc.