$5 Marlboros and wet tea

I know Tiki doesn’t approve, but I smoke. I don’t smoke a TON – I inhale between a half a pack and a pack a day. But I smoke enough that smokes are a line item in my weekly budget; they didn’t used to be, but thanks to our kind and benevolent dictators in Lansing, we have levied against us, the second highest tax per pack in the Union. At around $2 per pack, we “sinners” are being fleeced. Meanwhile, our friends and neighbors, members of the fattest state in the union, buy their Ben and Jerry’s Chunky Monkey with no fat-ass tax.

One of the things that /Michigan needs to get wise to, is the effect of taxing and fining its citizenry into submission through these Utopian-cum-Orwellian tactics. News flash: when you raise taxes too high – tea gets wet. A number of my fellow sinners have taken up the age old practise of rolling our own, or have resorted to buying from out of state, or online. So Granholm, lend me your ears. Random ass state legislators, take head: Smokers in this fine mitten state will still DIE in this state of all of the terrible diseases you taught us about in health class; but do you know what?! We will spend our money elsewhere and you will still have to pay for my sponge baths and barium enemas!

Back to the Ice cream tax I alluded to before… We levy a tax, ostensibly to curb harmful habits and pay for future health care…fine… Its oligarchical social engineering… but fine. My sole request is that we have some parity. Will we tax the chlorine and bromide that goes into our backyard pools (pools kill more children each year than handguns)? Will we tax Bettermade, Faygo, Stroh’s or my breakfast at The Original Pancake House to help curb Michigan’s morbid obesity? Let’s have some fees for driving your car; if its not directly to or from work or necessary errands. Oh wait, I am being unreasonable. Forgive me. I keep forgetting to smile and thank the government for screwing me as long as its for a good cause.

You know what – this has stressed me out, I’m going to step outside…maybe the smoke will cover the smell of the BS in the air…


1 Comment so far

  1. Jeppy (unregistered) on October 21st, 2005 @ 1:07 pm

    How would we undergo a FAT tax?

    I ASSume you’d use a scale of some sort, people would be checked for their height, last year’s weight, then hop on to the truck-scale for the numbers.

    Or you could use calipers… Tax dodgers would get liposuction to elude the IRS…

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