Hollywood Prepares for Major Detroit Facelift


I heard on the radio today about how Detroit is “concerned” about the appearance of our city due to homeless and “poor” looking people mingling with SuperBowl 2006 revelers. Officials and business people are gathering to discuss what to do about this important “issue” I’m pretty sure they’re not going to be creating the mental health infrastructure, or even a job market to really cure things. So where will they be “putting them” for that week?

In other news reports, the perpetually empty store-fronts along Woodward will doubtless be receiving a Blazing Saddles-esque Hollywood facade treatment so that the city doesn’t look down and out. I’m sure strike-teams of window-dressers are being flown in from New York and Los Angeles to work on this.

Why stop there? Perhaps we should also employ actors from London to infuse an aura of coolness? And lets paint the streets with gold…

Instead of throwing hundreds of millions of dollars into these “spit & tape” week-long appearance fixes — let’s look for something with a little more stamina. Heck, put the money towards school books for our kids at least.

8 Comments so far

  1. ToolBox (unregistered) on December 7th, 2005 @ 1:24 pm

    Can we get some actors to portray vagrants too? That way we could still be “keeping it real” but without the sper crazy antics and smell. Don’t want to lose too much street cred with the visitors.

  2. lance (unregistered) on December 7th, 2005 @ 5:04 pm

    It is a pitiful, temporary “solution” to an ever-growing problem. I don’t see why the city can’t allow the homeless to stay in the more hospitable buildings, at least temporarily. That way the homeless have a place to stay, and vacant buildings finally get some use.

    I know it’s been said before, but what is worst is that it takes the Super Bowl to give the powers that be some motivation to fix things.

    Instead of covering facades, they must use some of those same materials to actually fix the problem, not just cover it up.

  3. mark (unregistered) on December 7th, 2005 @ 5:05 pm

    …and by the way, that is a lovely sketch

  4. Jeppy (unregistered) on December 7th, 2005 @ 7:45 pm

    MARK: Thanks! I’m hoping to continue here with some “political cartoons” every now and then…

  5. Scott (unregistered) on December 7th, 2005 @ 9:30 pm

    As someone who doesn’t visit the city of Detroit often, I can tell you that the facade face-lifts even fooled me.

  6. Pedropus (unregistered) on December 7th, 2005 @ 10:44 pm

    Dang, that Toolbox took my first thought, but I have another one.

    How about we stage shootouts on Woodward, like they do for the tourists at Tombstone, AZ? People expect this kind of thing and if it’s choreographed and they use blanks nobody will get hurt.

  7. Laurie (unregistered) on December 8th, 2005 @ 12:53 am

    That’s just pathetic.

  8. Pedropus (unregistered) on December 8th, 2005 @ 8:40 am

    No, what’s pathetic is soccer moms putting pictures of their belly-button piercings up on the internet.

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