Bum Night in the D’

I somtimes stop in the Caucus Club on Congress for an adult beverage before I head down the street to work. The other day I was coming out the door and, to my surprise, a man was on his hands and knees crawling into DeAvila’s flower shop across the hall. They have an electronic devise that beeps when a customer enters. Obviously he was a thief becaise he was trying to defeat it by coming in under the radar so to speak. I followed him in and, sure enough, he had already grabbed an expensive gift and was heading toward the door.

I confronted him saying what the f— are you doing? He put the gift back and hustled out the door. I related this issue to the owner and exited the Penopscot onto Congress only to be berated by this guy. He m/f me all the way to Shelby. “I’m a homeless person” he yelled and accused me of being a “snitch.” Well, I won’t say what my response was but it was something about because he’s homeless, doesn’t give him the right to steal from hard working people working in the D’.

I have heard that there are as many as 10,000 homeless people living in Detroit. Personally I think that number is way out of wack. 10,000? But to those homeless people nazi’s out there let me present my idea. “‘Bumb Night” in the D!” All the bars in the Central Business District pick one night a month and bring in live entertainment. Jazz, rock, hip hop, it doesn’t matter. Charge $5 cover and all the proceeds go towards buying a bum a one way ticket to Key West. What a great humanitarian effort this would be. Not only would it solve the problem of bums begging on the streets of the city but it would relocate them to warmer, more comfortable surroundings. I mean if I was going to be a bum, why would I pick Detroit? I’m going to be a bum in Key West where the weather is much, much warmer, right?

I know this is going to ruffle some feathers but I’m sorry. I have no sympathy for the homeless. Except for the mentally challenged, these people chose this life in some way. They made choices in life that, in the end, put them where they are. They chose to drop out of society. The only responsibility they have is to walk the avenues and beg for money. For those of you who live in the suburbs let me enlighten you. They vomit in our places of business. They pass out in our lobbies. They relieve themselves of human waste in our parking lots. They break car windows on W. Adams and Library and Cass. And, yea, they steal. The only good thing they have going for themselves is that they help me keep focused on my life in that I don’t ever want to end up like them. Bum Night in the D.’ What a great idea. . .

5 Comments so far

  1. max (unregistered) on December 15th, 2006 @ 11:21 am

    me and a friend were discussing something like this one day and i, like you, said if i was doing nothing but walking around all day i’d walk in a straight line…south. why keep walking around the same city over and over and over? my friend’s theory was to walk up north to a very rural, woodsy area and resort to more of a caveman life, hunting and trapping rather than burden society for his choices and/or mistakes in life. oh, and yeah..this will ruffle feathers for sure but i’m on your side.

  2. max (unregistered) on December 15th, 2006 @ 11:28 am

    oh yeah, i hosted a party for my customers at the Magic Stick last Monday night and 3 of my guests had there cars broken into. only one got the police to actually stop and help and the cop told her to just get the window fixed on move on because it was probably just a bum looking for stuff to sell. the other two called the police but none ever showed up…whole other issue.

  3. ALeC (unregistered) on December 16th, 2006 @ 2:08 pm

    bums wouldn’t want to live in the woods – there’s no alcohol or crack out there for them. They’d probably just end up building a meth lab anyways.

  4. baliad (unregistered) on December 18th, 2006 @ 9:38 am

    85% of homeless people are mentally challenged…

  5. Alex (unregistered) on December 18th, 2006 @ 10:00 am

    The vast majority of people who are homeless are not “bums” living on the street. You can educate yourself a little bit about homelessness here: http://www.cotsdetroit.org/cots/aboutus_stats.wml?section=aboutus . A large part of the chronically homeless suffer from mental illnesses. Thanks to Gov. Engler’s closing of the state mental illness facilities, many of the people who could be treated wind up either chronically homeless or in prison.

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